The following is one of the earliest in the series of Reizner Crack Pot Theories.
First let’s identify the class of objects. Inanimate is pretty self-explanatory. Ancient civilizations considered that all items have some element of a spirit. I do not know if this is genuine fact. All that said I have regularly experienced evidence that as I interact with everyday items they will act out and …. Well… frustrate me or sometimes even fight with me. Therefore, I have chosen to posit a mildly evil intelligence on some objects. Of course, there remains the potential for virtually all inanimate objects to turn on us. You have been warned.
A rather simple example can be the sweater I put on 30 days in a row AND it goes on BACKWARDS 27 of those days. Grrrr
Another example could be the day you decided to carry one too many boxes down a flight of stairs. Midway down the flight you can feel one or two of the boxes getting “slightly out of your grip” and reflexively you reach out to stabilize the pile and…almost slow motion … the pile falls out into space and crashes down the stairs leaving you empty handed, gritting your teeth and feeling ….well… stupid. But, the truth? The boxes did it to you.
Finally, it must be noted that this conspiracy operates similar to an opportunistic infectious disease. Specifically, the likelihood of attack increases when the host (that’s You) is fatigued. Another risk factor is if the host is intoxicated (lets say drunk or high). If you just happen to be both tired and drunk the likelihood of inanimate attack increases exponentially.
Come on… you all know this really happens. Fault has nothing to do with the phenomenon. It is merely a fact and quirk of life. Deal with it if you must.
Check in soon as Robert exposes the next in the Reizner Crack Pot Theory series; Gravity